1 Day: Sorrow and Joy

 Sorrow and Joy

 

I learned that a dear friend passed away.  Her name was Jud.  She was a uniquely talented and beautiful individual.  From the first time I met her, I knew she was special.  I wish we were closer, but I’m sure that fault is mine.  I’m not good at managing friendships.  I have some good friendships in this world, but mostly because my friends are good friends.   

1 day!!

Jud came to my house when I was sick.  She brought me food.  She brought me counsel.  She brought me sympathy.  She brought me friendship. She invited me to her lovely home many times for coffee, feasts, celebrations, and conversations.

I planned to write this post about packing, living through the final days which are too long and too short at the same time, and cashing in my cans and change.  Those things are still present and part of the experience.  But the float has gone from my balloon.  I still feel a sense of accomplishment and joy at the upcoming trip.  Yet my mind keeps circling back to the memory that my friend is no longer shining her light in this world.  The world is diminished without her.  

One thing I’ve learned is that grief doesn’t happen in a vacuum.  The world is not going to stop.  Even though I really want it to just stop and let me off for a minute, the minutes and hours and days will keep right on going by. 

When I made this pilgrimage in 2016, I didn’t actually tell anyone I was going until about a month before I went.  My family knew – but I was not used to sharing my thoughts and experiences back then, and I had no confidence in my writing. When she heard, Jud immediately was interested in my crazy trip.  She wanted to know everything.  She wanted to see pictures, asked such great questions, and encouraged me to start my blog for that trip when I mentioned it.  (So I DID!)  After my trip, she invited me over to chat with her and her husband about the experience.   It meant so much to me to talk to her and I so enjoyed her interest.  

It baffles me that I am now down to just under 1 day away from my adventure beginning!  I have one more day, one Sabbath and I am on my way to Portland!  I’m doing pre-trip things – I brought my work plant home, packed everything I can live without, organized my electronics, and checked for the 300th time that my work time is arranged.  I’ve checked for my passport, my funds and credit cards, and my travel authorization again and again.   

I've packed my suitcases, checked my lists repeatedly, removed things, added things, and shooed the animals off my suitcases again and again.  Tonight I will have Sabbath dinner, and tomorrow evening, Rebecca will be here to fetch me, and away to the hotel I go. 

All done now!

 

My flight leaves early Sunday morning.  I have a five hour layover at LAX, and there I will meet another friend and we will keep each other company through the trip. I'm so excited to be traveling with a group for the first time ever.    

And during all of it, I will carry a saddness about Jud.  I will miss her and miss knowing she is in the world.  I will think about her.  I will talk about her.  I will remember her.   I will carry her memory with me.  Because I can’t do anything else. 

If they could only fit!

Keep me in your prayers, my friends.  Pray for blessings and Shalom! (Peace)